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Thursday, May 30, 2013

Out of Control

[A couple months ago...]

It's a terrible feeling... that is, when your mind starts going out of control.

In fact, I didn't know it was that bad until I found myself sitting there - literally shaking with anticipation, stress, and responsibility. Ok, so it didn't help that I packed launching a business, preparing for a trip to India and finalizing our winter season on the farm all into two weeks... But that aside, I'm a Christian and I claim to trust, and I claim to believe, and I thought I had simple faith, but my mind is proving me otherwise.

For some reason I just can't reign in those thoughts...

No. Not going to think about the 1000 some people who are expecting a webinar that isn't even created yet... NO! Stop thinking about it. Uh uh... got to think about something else. Um... think about Jesus. I'm supposed to be consumed with seeing His face right now... not all this business stuff anyways.

Ok... but I need to record the main part of the webinar tomorrow because it takes around 6 hours to export and then another who knows how long to upload and what if something goes wrong and I have to re-export it... and it's supposed to go live the next night. Yikes...

NO! Stop thinking about it... supposed to bring every thought into captivity...

Think about Jesus... everything is going to be ok...

And I sit there - with my mind spinning out of my control.

I mean, what happened to being consumed with His face?... Arrgh... hypocrite. Here I am more consumed with my business than anything else...

And I'm on my knees all over again.

Because my mind says Jesus is more important than anything... but until my heart echos that theme - it is just "sounding brass and a tinkling symbol".

I must love Him more...

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And so a few days ago I sat down to read an article that I didn't think I was going to agree with... and instead I ended up coming away with a beautiful revelation of grace. (Be careful of preconceived notions...)

Put simply it is this... if sin is the power in our lives to love and desire anything and everything other than God himself (and think we're finding joy there...) - then grace is the power of God to love, desire, and be consumed with Him and the beauty of His smile above anything else...

Isn't that beautiful? 

To love and desire a connection with heaven above anything... in fact, when nothing brings more joy then to see a sparkle in His eyes... that is grace.

And grace is freedom.

Are you free?

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